whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
