so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize