I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
