i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize