it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
