he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
