We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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