you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
