It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize