I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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