I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
