I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
