I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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