Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
