i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
