Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
