kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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