After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
