Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize