did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
