i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
