I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
