Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I need to stop coming to work sober
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
