It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
