Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
