I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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