I think my vagina is haunted
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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