I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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