the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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