My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize