I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
