By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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