There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize