my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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