She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
