At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
