I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
