I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
