He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
