stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
