when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
