it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
