Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
