i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
