I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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