I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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