I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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