he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
