UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
