I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Someone shit on the floor
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
