ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize