If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
