is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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