I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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