I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize