I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
