I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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