jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
