Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
