There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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