I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize