so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
