the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
