No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
