Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
