READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
