Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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