I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
