I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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