I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
