i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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