I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
