I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize