doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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