Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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