YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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