Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
