his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am naked and annoyed.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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