you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
