i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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