Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
