My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
