yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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