watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
