Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I see more hoeing in ur future
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
