Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
