I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
