I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize