Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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