The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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