So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
