Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
When are your genitals available?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
